While most gentlemen's clubs don't have dress codes, make sure to look your best. If anything, the dancers will be more attentive. However, should you visit seedy clubs -- the backwoods watering hole where the main attraction is the owner's middle-aged wife standing on a stool sweeping the floor with the tip of her breasts -- you shouldn't wear your nicest Armani three-piece. These kinds of bars are usually frequented by close-knit bands of locals, and looking like an outsider can bring on trouble.
Tip the Bouncer
Upon entering, it's always a good idea to slip a few dollars to the bouncer, especially if there is no cover charge. Not only will it turn the bouncer into your new best friend for life (well, maybe for five minutes), but it will go a long way in getting you good seats.
If there's a particular seat that you want, don't be afraid to ask for it. "Perverts Row," the area around the stage, is usually the busiest part, but they can always make room for you if your tip is more than loose change. Also be aware that special seats such as booths or VIP lounges will cost you extra.
Befriend the DJ
It's actually one of the best-kept secrets of the strip-club circuit. DJs are the most connected employees in the joint; they know the ladies and can hook you up should you be in their good graces.
In many joints, dancers receive no salaries and actually have to pay the DJ to go up on stage; they make their money with table or lap dances. So buy the guy a drink, tell him you like the music. You probably won't regret it.
Tip Your Waitress and Bar Staff
Another good friend to make in the strip club is your waitress or bartender. It's pretty simple, the more you tip them the quicker you will get your next round. Tipping the bartender directly can get you stronger drinks as well. Many strip clubs water down their drinks, but by showing some love to the bartender your dollar will actually go farther.
The waitresses and bartenders are also friends with the dancers. If they know you are taking good care of them they are likely to want to return the favor. Whether you want a dance from a popular dancer or a better seat, they will make sure you're having a good time.
Don't Get Too Drunk
Although the prices of the drinks in strip clubs will often steer you in the right direction, it is good practice to not get completely wasted when your in the strip club. You could become loud, possibly obnoxious, or lose control. This can often lead an unexpected departure. The bouncer is not likely to make it a pleasant departure either.
Being too drunk also reduces your ability to protect yourself. Whether it's your credit card is being overcharged at the bar or a dancer tells you she gave you four dances when it was only two, you are probably not going to figure it out until the morning when it's too late.
Most important however is the dancers. If you're wasted and showing it, your favorite dancer may ignore you. They don't like to deal with people who are out of control, there are plenty of guys in the room who want to give them money. This leads to you getting upset and ultimately we're right back at that point where the bouncer is forcibly removing you from the premises... it's not pretty.
Treat The Dancers With Respect
One of the most important things to remember: Should you decide to get yourself a table dance, don't be afraid to engage in a conversation with your woman. Be friendly and you'll get it back tenfold. It's even allowed, in most places, to buy her a drink.
The conversation at this point could get a little more interesting. But use this technique at your own risks, some girls are freeloaders and will ditch you after they've made their cash and sipped their complementary cocktail.
Ask About The Cost
As you visit new clubs, it's always a good idea to ask "how much" before you agree to a lap dance, the VIP room, or other services the club has to offer. We suggest that you ask your waitress or the bartender for the club's prices. They are more likely to give you an honest answer. Even if there are posted prices for lap dances, the dancers will on occasion try to charge a different rate. Knowing what it's going to cost ahead of time will help you avoid any surprise costs.
Tell The Dancer What You Want
No one knows what you're thinking or what you want other than you. Therefore you should always be outspoken about what you want. If you want a particular dancer to come to your table, simply ask her. If you're a breast man or a leg man tell her, that way she can focus on what you like the best. Ask her exactly what type of services she offers and what you expect. Also, don't be afraid to turn down a dancer who offers you a dance if you don't feel like it, a simple "No thank you" will suffice.
Don't Touch The Dancers
Touching dancers is, in most instances, the fastest way to be shown the door by a bouncer. With the exception of clubs that feature frictoin dancing, touching the dancer is against the rules. Once you've been seated in the area your lap dance will take place, you should sit back and let her do the work. She can touch you if she wants, but you can't touch her. If you let your hands do the walking the next thing you might feel is the bouncers hands tossing you right out of the club.
Tip The Dancers
In most instances, you are not expected to tip after a lap dance, as you have paid for your dances based on the agreed upon fee. However if the dancer went beyond your expectations and you would like to spend more time with you back at your table or remember you on your next visit, by all means tip her. A few extra dollars can go a long way. The next time you come in she'll be sure to remember you and maybe even give you a better show.
If you follow these guidelines you should have a great time on your next trip out to the local strip club. Show some respect and remember those famous words spoken by Chris Rock: "There's no sex in the champagne room!"